Why does every parent assume they did something wrong when the child they have been raised "this way" decides they like the other direction better? Why do they assume that there is something wrong with the kid? Why can't they just be happy when their child is happy?
This weekend I was at my Daddy's. We had a spat about something but I won't go into that. Though I felt... I dunno, reaffirmed (?) in the fact that my Dad is hella awesome. I think he cares that I'm bi... I'm not sure... but whether he does or doesn't he doesn't criticize me for it. He knows I'm Wiccan but he doesn't care. In his words "I think any religion that worships a guy with antlers is weird, but if it makes you happy I will support you all the way."
I don't think my Daddy will ever know just how much it meant to me when he said that. The day he said that to me was the two days after I told my step mom (who might as well just be my second mom, we'll call her TwnTwr) about my wedding. My best friend (we'll call her Crone) let slip I was Wiccan. I did a brief explaination of what it was and took off. I took off cause I was meeting TwnTwr to pick up my brothers for the weekend. The day my Daddy said that to me I was bringing back my brothers. My Daddy apparently spent all weekend looking up my religion. The day he found out I was Wiccan he tried to learn SOMETHING about it. So did TwnTwr. Again... I don't think they will ever know just how much they meant to me.
Then we have the complete contrast. We have my Mom. Don't get me wrong! I absolutely love my Mom, but I am 100% sure she has no idea how much she hurts me. When I came out to her that I was bi, she didn't even believe me. She told me it was just a phase and blah blah, she even said that I couldn't know I was bi because I had never had sex with a girl. I asked her did she have to have sex with a guy to kno she was straight and she had no comment. I don't think my Mom has accepted me as bi till it came up in "How Well Do You Know the Bride" at my bachlorette party. Luckily though she never comments on that. Religion however...
She never says anything directly! She makes "off hand" comments, that I'm betting that she doesn't think I'll ever remember. I do. I have a horrible memory but if you say something that makes a big enough impression on my mind that I will remember it FOREVER. Something being hurtful is something that leaves an impression...
An example would be 4 years ago I was moving in with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. I had been picking up a few of my Wiccan supplies. Something I was picking up was a Spiral Goddess statue I had made in pottery. For those who don't know a Spiral Goddess is a faceless woman with a spiral on her stomach and her hands above her head in a "hoop". You don't see her hands, it just looks like a loop over her head. Well when I made it the loop never quite attached in the middle and the left arm was not quite attached at the shoulder. I accidently knocked it over and the arm fell off, which I had expected to happen eventually! The first words out of my Mom's mouth? "Well if I were you I would take that as a sign."
I looked at her and said, "Mom if that Jesus statue over there fell over and his praying hands fell off you would not take it as a sign. You would take it as the guys hands popped off cause it fell over."
The other day in the car I was talking about going to a pagan festival, Heartland, I wasn't even discussing anything pagan! I was talking about the camping part of it! What does she say "Well I just don't know how you turned out that way when you were raised differently, but oh well."
My Grandmother does the same thing.... I gave the woman that read the last Harry Potter book in 2 days a book a little over a 100 pages long about Wicca. A year later she hadn't made it 20 pages in... "I had to keep stopping to correct everything that was wrong."
...I don't understand how one half of my family can be so supportive and the other so not! My Mom's side is Mormon, but that is only an excuse for my Grandmother! My Mom has been "Mormon" her whole life but for about half of it she hasn't been practicing! She has committed who knows how many "sins" but she acts like her shit don't stink. She acts like she's done nothing wrong her whole life, just because she's never stopped believing in "God", but I choose a life that makes me happy... truly happy and all I get is criticizim.
I know that others have had it harder. I know that there are people who have been completely cut off from their families and friends due to changing their faith. I realize that.... but it doesn't make it any easier knowing that all though your Mom can be around you... she doesn't accept you. It's painful no matter how little it is, how unextreme it is, any kind of rejection hurts.
I only talk about this because, after being reminded that my other half of my family accepts me, I'm just gonna see my Mom sometime soon and be reminded that she doesn't. That she probably never will, and the pain just starts all over again... Why can't she just take me as I am?
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