Saturday, August 13, 2011

Hollywood.... YOU SUCK!

Okay so help me if they don't stop screwing with the retro shows. They made Scooby Doo and Yogi into live action and they SUCKED and now they are doing smurfs. They have remade so many retro shows and now I find out they are doing it to Thunder Cats? STOP IT! Go to Egypt on an expedition and dig til you find the mysterious and ever elusive "Creativity Bone", I saw elusive because no one can seem to find it anymore! If you really think that the retro shows were that good REPLAY THE ORIGINALS! Don't remake it! It was amazing the first time. Stop.... screwing with it!

And jumping from shows to movies now. They have obviously been remaking tons of remakes of old movies. I will agree a couple needed it (Last House on the Left the original was horrible). However there are some movies that you are not allowed to touch. They are actually going to remake The Crow. Are they stupid? The main audiance for that show has to be Goths correct? And any real Goth has watched and loved that movie forever now! Plus one thing that all have in common is that we all know that the actor died! He died making that film and he was an amazing actor! There for it was incredably sad for anyone watching that movie. Now you want to tap dance on his grave by making a remake? NOT A SINGLE FAN OF THAT SHOW IS GOING TO TOUCH A MOVIE TICKET WHEN THAT COMES OUT!

And this might be old news but I'm going to say it as reinforcement. Rob Zombie... I love you.... your music is oddly amazing, but if you continue to touch the Halloween series there will be problems. YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT BETTER YOU ARE MAKING IT WORSE!

How about the entirety of Hollywood get together and discuss business with someone like Tim Burton who has written almost every movie he has directed and they were all GENIUS! They were all original and they were great (on that note make a remake of Beetlejuice and you will find your self missing some apendages). Every movie that that guy comes out with is gold, BECAUSE HE WROTE IT! And don't say you wrote the remake, you didn't, you adapted it and that is not writing. Writing is sitting down at a keyboard, a typewriter, or grabbing an old fashion pencil and starting from scratch. Sure you have insperation from somewhere but you don't rip it off!

Jumping to my other Hollywood pet peeve. If you are going to make a movie and put the words "Based on (insert book)", do yourself a favor and actually follow the book. The reason people want to see a movie of a book is to see what they read come to life not to see how you wanted the book to go! Prime example.... I Know What You Did Last Summer. Yes it was a book folks by Lois Duncan, my idol. That movie DIDN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! There was no hook and the preppy chick never died, amongst all the things that weren't in the book. Despite the movie being horrible they did something worse! They made a second and a third! THERE WAS ONLY ONE BOOK AND THEY DIDN'T GET THAT RIGHT! Lois Duncan even said that she didn't like that movie because it was nothing like her book.

So once again Hollywood, purge yourself of the people who apparently have an inability to write. Take the few that have actually held a pencil in their life and had an imagination as a child and send them to Egypt... for that mytical "Creativity Bone" (hell ask Tim Burton where he found it) and leave... my.... shit.... ALONE!

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